Random Trashiness
Jumbo Jane
come for some sweet lovin' at Shirley's Large Love Temple after 10pm. Monday's are double dipping day!
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Praise Baby Jesus!
Kinsfolk
Local News
Local Plumber Likes Them Young
Jed Carl Eubanks, local plumber, was apprehended today after a 4 hour stand off in a bathroom. He's accused of having sexual relations with Carla McGill, a tenth grader at Coonesville High School. Carla's father, Timbo McGill, is the warden of the Robert E. Lee Penitentiary in Swainsboro. Mr. McGill was very displeased with the situation. "I likely to beat that boy's ass," McGill said. "Ain't no one gonna take advantage of my baby Carla without going through me first."Eubanks is said to have met Carla at Stimpy's Pool Hall last year. The relationship progressed with regular meetings on the weekends and after Future Farmers of America (FFA) events that Carla was involved in at school. Eubanks admits having sex with Carla, but denies any wrong-doing. "I didn't force none of that beer down her throat," Eubanks said. "She just kept gettin' liquored up and doing nasty things to me all over my trailer. That girl's a giver!"
After learning that Carla's father was planning on pressing charges, Eubanks fled.Sources say after stealing his
neighbor's uncle's rifle collection, he went on a drunken rampage across the county. Police found him holed up in the bathroom of Poor Richard's Liquor Store in the neighboring town of Cooter. Apparently Eubanks had run out of alcohol and decided to break in early Thursday morning to replenish his supply. After being spotted by the owner, Richard Sanchez, Eubanks fled to the back to hide where he refused to come out. Police say they just left him in there until the smell forced him out.
Being a close friend of Earl Roscoe Jackson, local Coonesville residents are not surprised by Eubank's latest brush with the law. In July, Jackson was apparently upducted and ass-raped by aliens visiting Coonesville. The aliens were not available for comment at press time.
Starletta "Heat-n-Serve" Donoho says:
"...Just you wait, Baby, it's coming!!!... The new PorkGravy v3.0 is gonna put hair on yur chest!!! Hot Damn!..."