"That's not my baby," Ms. Cutinham exclaimed. "It's one of 'dem damn aliens again, sticking probes all up in my girl parts!"

yessuh!Bambi Priscilla Cutinham, local hairdresser, went into labor Tuesday morning at her trailer in Cooter while using the restroom after Christmas dinner. "All I know is I had to hit da john after Granny's pecan pie kicked in, so Jimmy, Boomer, Kenny, and Jimbo came over ta help me's up- see, that's how it's been since da knee operation," Ms. Cutingham, who did not know she was preagnant, said as she described the miracle bastard child birth. "... soon as I gots to da baffroom, my stomach started hurtin something awful, and all of the sudden that thing pops out in da toilet. I thought I needed a 'bambulance!"

After hearing screams from the bathroom, Aunt Keisha called 911.

Following a short investigation, Local police said that the baby was indeed the bastard childbastard child of an alien abduction and probing. "The evidence left at the scene was a 'hole lot like the apparent ass-raping incident involving Earl Roscoe Jackson back in September," Deputy Kinglee explained. "Even the aliens were both described as neckless chubby creatures, with short arms and legs. Them aliens seem to like ar' specimens!"

The fetus, a still-born, was secured and transported to a confidential holding facility until the CIA can retreave the specimen. Tours to see the fetus at "Uncle Bert's Pool Hall" start at 3 and 4:30pm, or immediately following Ms. Cutinham's afternoon nap.