Random Trashiness
Jumbo Jane
come for some sweet lovin' at Shirley's Large Love Temple after 10pm. Monday's are double dipping day!
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Praise Baby Jesus!
Kinsfolk
Local News
Coonesville Children's Spring Play a Huge Success
Highlighting the evening was Jimmy Wallace, better known as "Little Armless Jimmy", who shot a PETA activist on his family's farm back in December.
Jimmy played the character of "Lewis" an adventurer and avid archer in the play. In an Oscar potential performance, "Little Armless Jimmy" shot an arrow through the neck of classmate Bubba Jones, who was playing the part of a homosexual hillbilly trying to sodomize his friend.
Mrs. Amelia Opal Grayson, head librarian of the Coonesville Community Library, directed the play. When asked why Jimmy was chosen for the part, Mrs. Grayson replied, "I was more curious to see if dat boy could do it, being one of dem freaks and all... I still can't believe he shot that hippy by pulling the trigger wit' his tongue!"
The proceeds of the evening reached a grand total of $22.37, all of which went to the National Rifle Association's Coonesville chapter whose latest endeavor is trying to lift the 5-day waiting period when buying guns. Other classics in the works at the elementary school for performance later in the year include "Charlotte's Web", "Old Yeller", and everyone's favorite "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
Starletta "Heat-n-Serve" Donoho says:
"...Just you wait, Baby, it's coming!!!... The new PorkGravy v3.0 is gonna put hair on yur chest!!! Hot Damn!..."